Analysis of Flaubert's Dictionary of Received Ideas
Jorn Barger October 2002
As a rule I avoid alphabetical order, which tends to make lists unreadable. [theory] So below I've re-sorted Flaubert's alphabetical list of cliches [original] [French] [bi-ling] into various subcategories, to increase readability. I've also added some links as annotations.
Things to make fun of (rire de; blaguer)
MAGIC Make fun of it.
INNATE IDEAS Make fun of them (les blaguer).
MEDICINE When in good health, make fun of it.
COMETS Make fun of our ancestors who feared them.
METAMORPHOSIS Make fun of the times when it was believed in. Ovid invented it.
ORIGINAL Make fun of everything that is original, hate it, jeer at it, and annihilate it if you can.
FUNNY (DRÔLE) Should be used on all occasions: 'That's funny!'
LEARNED (THE) (SAVANTS) Make fun of them. All it takes to be learned is a good memory and hard work.
GIBBERISH (BARAGOUIN) Foreigners' way of talking. Always make fun of the foreigner who speaks your language badly.
NORMANS Believe that they talk with a broad a and tease them about (les blaguer sur) their nightcaps.
ASTRONOMY An admirable science. Useful only to sailors. In speaking of it, poke fun at astrology.
ENCYCLOPÉDIE Laugh at it pityingly for being quaint and old-fashioned, or else thunder against it.
LEGION OF HONOUR Make fun of it (La blaguer), but covet it. When you obtain it, always say it was unsolicited.
PHILOSOPHY Always snigger at it.
'GODDAM' The basis of the English language, as Beaumarchais said. Snigger in a superior way.
LITTRÉ Snigger on hearing his name: 'The gentleman who thinks we are descended from monkeys.'
DARWIN The fellow who says we're descended from monkeys.
WAGNER Snigger when you hear his name and joke about the music of the future.
SCUDÉRY Snigger, without knowing whether the name is that of a man or a woman.
SALTCELLAR Upsetting it brings bad luck.
THIRTEEN Avoid being thirteen at table; it brings bad luck. The sceptics should not fail to joke: 'What's the difference? I'll eat enough for two!' Or again, if there are ladies present, ask if any is pregnant.
Things to thunder against (tonner contre)
BACCALAUREATE Thunder against it.
IMPIETY Thunder against it.
MONOPOLY (STATE) Thunder against it.
WAR Thunder against it.
SYBARITES Thunder against them.
PANTHEISM Ridiculous. Thunder against it.
SOUTHERN COOKING Always full of garlic. Thunder against it.
FEUDALISM No need to have any clear idea what it was, but thunder against it.
ECLECTICISM Thunder against it as being an immoral philosophy.
TIME (OUR) Thunder against it. Deplore the fact that there is nothing poetic about it. Call it a time of transition, of decadence.
WHITEWASH (ON CHURCH WALLS) [Calvinism] Thunder against it. This aesthetic anger is extremely becoming.
DUEL Thunder against it. It is no proof of a man's courage.
CITY FATHERS Thunder against them apropos of the paving of streets: 'What can our city fathers be thinking of!'
DEPUTY Thunder against the Chamber of Deputies. Too many talkers there. They do nothing.
PHILIPPE-ÉGALITÉ Thunder against him. Another of the causes of the Revolution. He committed all the crimes of that dreadful period. [info]
ENCYCLOPÉDIE Laugh at it pityingly for being quaint and old-fashioned, or else thunder against it.
NEWSPAPERS One can't do without them, but thunder against them. Play an important part in modern society: e.g. the Figaro, Serious Journals: the Revue des Deux Mondes, L'Économiste, the Journal des Débats.
Things to 'wax indignant' about (s'indigner)
TALLEYRAND Wax indignant against him.
CAUCUS (CAMARILLA) [cabal] Wax indignant on hearing this word.
GAMBLING Wax indignant at this fatal passion.
TIPPING (ON NEW YEAR'S DAY) Express indignation at the practice.
DEICIDE Wax indignant over it, even though the crime is somewhat infrequent.
PARTHIAN [parting] SHOT Wax indignant at such a shot, though it is in fact perfectly legitimate.
MEMORY Complain of your own, and indeed boast of not having any. But roar indignantly if anyone says you lack judgement.
SECRET FUNDS Incalculable sums with which ministers buy men's consciences. Wax indignant about them.
WALTZ Wax indignant against it. A lascivious, impure dance, which should only be danced by old ladies.
Things to get angry about (colère)
WHITEWASH (ON CHURCH WALLS) Thunder against it. This aesthetic anger is extremely becoming.
BASES (OF SOCIETY). Id est property, the family, religion, respect for authority. Show anger if these are attacked.
POACHERS All ex-convicts. Responsible for all the crimes committed in country districts. Must rouse you to a pitch of fury: 'No mercy, my dear fellow, no mercy!'
Things to despise (méprise)
ARISTOCRACY Despise and envy it.
DOCTRINAIRES Despise them. Why? Nobody can say.
EPICURUS Despise him.
RACE-HORSES: Despise them-- of what use are they?
MAZARINADES [17thC political pamphlets: info] Despise them. No need to know any.
LEARNING Despise it as the sign of a narrow mind.
MUSICIAN The characteristic of the true musician is to compose no music, to play no instrument, and to despise virtuosos.
CHAMPAGNE The sign of a grand dinner. Pretend to despise it, saying: 'It isn't really a wine.' Arouses the enthusiasm of the lower orders.
DESSERT Virtuous persons despise it: 'Pastry! Heavens, no! I never touch it.'
Fine subjects
WEATHER Eternal topic of conversation.
WINE Topic for discussion among men.
CHIMNEY Always smokes. Subject of discussion about heating systems.
PORT-ROYAL Very smart topic of conversation.
MELON Nice topic for dinner-table conversation. Is it a vegetable or a fruit?
MESMERISM A fine topic of conversation, and one which will help you to charm a woman.
SALON To write a criticism of the Salon is a good beginning in literature; it enables a man to establish his reputation.
HORSEMEAT: Excellent subject for a pamphlet by a man who wishes to make his name.
MAY-BUGS Fine subject for a monograph. Their total extinction is the dream of every prefect.
STUD-FARMS A fine subject for a parliamentary debate.
SAPPHICS and ALCAICS Sounds good in a critical article.
Things 'nobody knows'
CHIAROSCURO (CLAIR-OBSCUR) Nobody knows what this means. [art]
CONTRALTO Nobody knows what this means. [music]
PALMYRA An Egyptian Queen? Ruins? Nobody knows. [Syrian ruins]
GENOVEFAN Nobody knows what it is. [Cath order?]
PRAGMATIC SANCTION Nobody knows what it is. [Cath]
SQUARING THE CIRCLE Nobody knows what it is, but shrug your shoulders at any mention of it.
FUGUE Nobody knows what it is, but you must assert that it is extremely difficult and extremely dull.
LUCKY Say of a lucky man: 'He was born with a caul.' You don't know what that means and neither will your listener.
GIAOUR Fierce (farouche) expression of unknown meaning, though it is known to be connected with the Orient. [Byron]
GOLDEN NUMBER, DOMINICAL LETTER, ETC. On all calendars but nobody knows what it means.
GORDIAN KNOT Has something to do with antiquity.
NECTAR Confuse with ambrosia.
DOCTRINAIRES Despise them. Why? Nobody can say.
INFINITESIMAL Nobody knows what it means, but it has something to do with homeopathy.
JANSENISM Nobody knows what it is but it is smart to refer to it. [Cath]
BREAD Nobody knows what filth goes into it.
JUJUBE Nobody knows what it is made of. [gum arabic]
CAMEL Has two humps and the dromedary only one [yes]; or else the camel has one and the dromedary two [no]-- nobody can ever remember which. [dromedary is a kind of camel, as well]
LAW (THE) (LE DROIT) Nobody knows what it is.
GULF-STREAM Famous Norwegian town, recently discovered.
LAGOON (LAGUNE) City on the Adriatic.
PERU Country in which everything is made of gold.
PALLADIUM Ancient fortress. [statue]
PALFREY A white animal of the Middle Ages whose breed is extinct.
HOSPODAR Sounds well in a remark on the Eastern Question. [title]
ENAMEL The secret of this art is lost.
MOSAICS The secret of the art is lost.
PAINTING ON GLASS The secret of the art is lost.
Things to pretend (faire semblant de; feindre, affecter)
HUNTING Excellent exercise, which one must pretend to love.
CHAMPAGNE Pretend to despise it, saying: 'It isn't really a wine.'
CHILDREN Display a lyrical fondness for them when there are people present.
COPAIBA BALSAM Pretend not to know what it is for [venereal disease].
ILLUSIONS Pretend to have had a great many, and complain that you have lost them all.
Venereal disease, prophylactics, prostitutes
SYPHILIS Everybody is more or less infected with it.
DEBAUCHERY Cause of all the diseases from which bachelors suffer.
MERCURY Kills the patient with the disease.
COPAIBA BALSAM (COPAHU) Pretend not to know what it is for. [vd]
DEVICE Obscene term.
SHEEP'S GUT Used only to make toy balloons.
PROSTITUTE (COURTISANE) A necessary evil. A protection for our daughters and sisters, as long as we have bachelors. Should be harried without mercy. It's impossible to take one's wife out any more with all these women on the boulevards. Are always working-class girls seduced by wealthy bourgeois.
JOY The mother of fun and games. Never mention her daughters.
ODALISK All Oriental women are Odalisks. [def] (See NAUTCH-GIRL.)
NAUTCH-GIRL Word that fires the imagination. All Oriental women are nautch-girls. [def] (See ODALISKS.)
ARTISTS A woman artist must be a whore.
ACTRESSES The ruin of young men of good family. Are terribly lascivious, engage in orgies, run through fortunes, and end up in the workhouse. 'I beg to differ: some make excellent mothers!'
Obscenity
OBSCENITY All scientific words derived from Greek and Latin conceal an obscenity.
ORGASM (JOUISSANCE) Obscene term.
DEVICE Obscene term.
INTRODUCTION (INTRODUCTION) Obscene word.
CIRCUS TRAINERS Use obscene practices.
CONCUPISCENCE Ecclesiastic term for carnal desire.
FUCK (FOUTRE) Use this word only as a swear-word, if at all.
Poetry
POETRY Completely useless and out of date.
POET Flattering (noble) synonym for fool, dreamer.
PROSE Easier to write than verse.
TIME (OUR) Deplore the fact that there is nothing poetic about it.
IMAGES There are always too many in poetry.
SITE Place for writing poetry.
INSPIRATION (POETIC) Aroused by: the sight of the sea, love, women, etc.
RUINS Induce reverie; make a landscape poetic.
WOODS Induce reverie. Well suited for the composition of verse. In the autumn, when walking through them, say: 'There is a pleasure in the pathless woods.'
BIRD Wish you were one, saying with a sigh: 'Oh, for a pair of wings!' This shows a poetic soul.
SWALLOWS Never call them anything but 'harbingers of Spring'. Since nobody knows where they come from, say it is 'a distant shore' (this is poetic).
CRIMSON (POURPRE) Nobler word than red.
MISSIVE (MESSAGE) Nobler than 'letter'.
HAMLET A touching noun, which is very effective in poetry.
SASH (ECHARPE) [scarf] Poetic.
PONSARD The only poet with any common sense. [dramatist]
SOUTHERNERS [southern France, esp Provence] All poets.
Nobility
ARISTOCRACY (NOBLESSE) Despise and envy it.
DIPLOMACY Suitable only for aristocrats (gens nobles).
TRADE (COMMERCE) Argue which is nobler, trade or industry.
CAVALRY Nobler than the infantry.
FIRING SQUAD Nobler than the guillotine.
COLLEGE Sounds better (plus noble) than 'boarding-school'. CRIMSON (POURPRE) Nobler word than red.
MISSIVE (MESSAGE) Nobler than 'letter'.
BILLIARDS A noble game. Indispensable in the country.
SCHOOLS At Saint-Cyr: young aristocrats (jeunes gens nobles).
POET Flattering (noble) synonym for fool, dreamer.
Animal folklore
CATS Cut off their tails to prevent vertigo.
CROCODILE Imitates the cry of a child to lure people.
DOLPHIN Carries children on its back.
ELEPHANTS Noted for their memories, and worship the sun.
HARE Sleeps with its eyes open.
OSTRICH Can digest stones.
PALFREY A white animal of the Middle Ages whose breed is extinct. [horse]
PELICAN Tears its breast to feed its young. Symbol of the paterfamilias.
SWAN Sings just before it dies.
Things that are 'always too'
BILL Always too high.
BOOK Always too long, whatever the subject.
INTERVAL Always too long.
IMAGES There are always too many in poetry.
METAPHORS There are always too many in any writer's style.
Food purity
BREAD Nobody knows what filth goes into it.
HAM Always from Mainz. Beware of it, on account of the danger of trichinosis.
ICE CREAM It is dangerous to eat it.
MUSHROOMS Shouldn't be bought anywhere but at the market.
OLIVE OIL Is never good. You should have a friend in Marseilles who sends you a small barrel of it.
RABBIT PIE Always made of cat.
PORK-BUTCHER Stories of pies made of human flesh. All pork-butchers have pretty wives.
WATER Paris water gives you colic. Salt water buoys you up. Cologne water smells good.
FARM When visiting a farm, one must eat nothing but wholemeal bread and drink nothing but milk. If eggs are added, exclaim: 'Heavens, how fresh they are! Not a hope of finding any like these in town!'
RESTAURANT You should always order the dishes not usually served at home. When uncertain just order what the others around you are eating.
COOKING In restaurants, always bad for the blood, at home, always wholesome; in the South, too oily or spicy.
FOOD In boarding-schools, always 'wholesome and plentiful'.
Food lore
APRICOTS 'We shan't have any again this year.'
BOILED BEEF Healthy food. Inseparable from carrots (soup).
CHEESE Quote Brillat-Savarin's maxim: 'Dessert without cheese is like a beauty with only one eye.'
DUCKS Always come from Rouen.
FRICASEE Only good in the country.
GAME Good only when high.
HERRING The wealth of Holland.
JUJUBE Nobody knows what it is made of.
MACARONI When prepared in the Italian style, must be served with the fingers.
MELON Nice topic for dinner-table conversation. Is it a vegetable or a fruit? The English eat it for dessert, which is astounding.
MILK Dissolves oysters, attracts snakes, whitens the skin. Some women in Paris take a milk bath every day.
MUSSELS Always hard to digest.
MUSTARD Good only in Dijon. Ruins the stomach.
OYSTERS Nobody eats them any more: they are really far too dear!
PHEASANT Smart to serve at a dinner.
PIGEON Eat it only with peas.
PRUNES Keep the bowels loose.
PUDDING A sign of gaiety in the house. Indispensable on Christmas Eve.
SPINACH Acts on your stomach like a broom. Never forget to quote Monsieur Prudhomme's famous remark: 'I don't like it and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I would eat it-- and I can't stand it.' (Some people will find this perfectly reasonable and won't laugh.)
Dining
DINNER In the old days people dined at noon. Now they dine at impossible hours. The dinner of our fathers' time is our lunch, and our lunch is their dinner. A meal as late as our dinner shouldn't be called dinner, but supper.
REGENCY SUPPERS Wit flowed at them even more freely than champagne.
STAG PARTY Calls for oysters, white wine and racy stories.
BANQUET Always 'a festive occasion'. Nobody will ever forget it, and the guests never leave without promising to meet again at the one next year. Some joker must refer to 'the banquet of life'.
FORK Should always be of silver, which is less dangerous. Use it in the left hand: this is easier and more distinguished.
DESSERT Deplore the fact that people no longer sing at dessert. Virtuous persons despise it: 'Pastry! Heavens, no! I never touch it.'
CHRISTMAS Wouldn't be Christmas without the pudding.
COFFEE Induces wit. No good unless it comes through Le Havre. After a big dinner party, should be drunk standing up. Drinking it without sugar is very smart: it gives the impression that you have lived in the East.
WALK Always go for a walk after dinner; it helps the digestion.
TOBACCO Government tobacco is not so good as that which is smuggled in. Snuff suits studious men. Cause of all the diseases of the brain and spinal cord.
CIGARS Those sold under government monopoly are always abominable. The only good ones are smuggled in.
Drink and drugs
ALCOHOLISM Cause of all modern diseases. (See ABSINTHE and TOBACCO.)
WINE Topic for discussion among men. The best is claret, since doctors prescribe it. The worse it tastes, the purer it is.
PUNCH Suitable for a stag party. Source of riotous gaiety. Put out the light when setting it on fire. It makes fantastic flames.
CHAMPAGNE The sign of a grand dinner. Pretend to despise it, saying: 'It isn't really a wine.' Arouses the enthusiasm of the lower orders. Russia drinks more of it than France. The medium through which French ideas have been spread throughout Europe. During the Regency people did nothing but drink champagne. But one doesn't drink champagne: one 'sips' it.
COGNAC Very harmful. Excellent for several ailments. A glass of cognac never did anybody any harm. Taken before breakfast, kills intestinal worms.
BEER Don't drink beer. It makes you liable to colds.
CIDER Spoils the teeth.
GROG Not respectable.
GLORIA [Spirits with coffee.] Never without its consolation.
CURAÇAO The best comes from Holland, because it is made in Curaçao in the West Indies.
ABSINTHE Extra violent poison: one glass and you're a dead man. Newspapermen drink it while writing their copy. Has killed more soldiers than the Bedouins.
HASHEESH Not to be confused with hash, which produces no voluptuous sensations whatever.
'Healthy' ailments
PIMPLES (BOUTONS) On the face or anywhere else, a sign of good health and strong blood. Don't try to get rid of them.
SCURF (DARTRE) Sign of good health. (See PIMPLES.)
BOILS (CLOU) See PIMPLES.
CARBUNCLES See PIMPLES.
PERSPIRING FEET A sign of good health.
FOOT-ODOUR A sign of good health.
BREATH To have a strong breath is a sign of distinction. Avoid references to flies and say that it comes from your stomach.
CHILBLAINS Sign of good health. Come from warming oneself up after being cold.
HEMORRHOIDS Come from sitting on stoves and stone benches. St Fiacre's disease. A sign of health so don't try to get rid of them.
Gender puns
FEMALE Use only in speaking of animals. Unlike the human race, the females of animals are less beautiful than the males, e.g. the pheasant, the cock, the lion, etc.
FROG Female of the toad [grenouille/crapaud in French].
TOAD Male of the frog. Its venom is very dangerous. Lives inside a stone.
CHESTNUT Female of the horse-chestut [châtaigne/marron in French].
CRAYFISH Female of the lobster [langouste/homard in French]. Walks backward. Always call reactionaries 'crayfish'.
SPICE [chacal/shakos in French] Plural of 'spouse'; an old joke, but still good for a laugh.
Always-modifiers
ADMIRAL Always brave.
GENERAL Always 'brave'.
NAVIGATOR Always 'intrepid'.
STALLION Always 'fiery'.
BANDITS Always 'ferocious'.
CRIMINAL Always 'vile' (criminel odieux).
MOUNTEBANK Always preceded by 'cheap'.
MURDERER Always 'cowardly'
CRITIC Always 'eminent'.
DOCTOR Always preceded by 'the good'.
IMPRESARIO Always preceded by 'clever'.
PROFESSOR Always 'the learned'.
TRAVELLER Always 'dauntless'.
GERMANS Always preceded by 'blond', 'dreamy'.
HUSSAR Always preceded by 'handsome' or 'dashing'.
ALBION Always 'white', 'perfidious' or 'positivist'.
AMBITION Always 'insane' unless it is 'noble'.
APLOMB Always 'perfect' or 'diabolical'.
BALDNESS Always 'premature'.
OLD Always 'prematurely'.
CANDOUR Always 'disarming'.
GAIETY Always preceded by 'frantic'.
JEALOUSY Always preceded by 'frantic'.
INTOXICATION Always preceded by 'mad'.
IMAGINATION Always 'lively'.
INCOMPETENCE Always 'utter'.
LAUGHTER Always 'Homeric'.
SANGFROID Always preceded by 'imperturbable'.
THRIFT Always preceded by 'honest'.
WIT Always preceded by 'sparkling'.
ACCIDENT Always 'regrettable' or unfortunate'
CONGRATULATIONS Always 'hearty', 'sincere', etc.
REGARDS Always 'kind'.
DISTINCTION Always preceded by 'rare'.
FELICITY Always 'perfect'.
HYPOTHESIS Often 'dangerous', always 'daring'.
INNOVATION Always 'dangerous'.
PRINCIPLES Always 'fundamental'.
PROGRESS Always 'headlong' and 'ill-advised'
STRENGTH Always 'Herculean'.
STRONG As a horse, an ox, a Turk, Hercules. 'That fellow should be strong, he's all sinew.'
BANQUET Always 'a festive occasion'.
BASILICA Always 'imposing'.
BATTLE Always 'bloody'
DORMITORIES Always 'spacious and airy'.
FOOD In boarding-schools, always 'wholesome and plentiful'.
DOCUMENT Invariably 'of the highest importance'.
DUNGEON Always horrible.
FANFARE Always 'loud'.
HARD Invariably add 'as iron'. True, there is also 'hard as a diamond', but that is much less forceful.
HEAT Always 'unbearable'.
INSCRIPTION Always 'cuneiform'.
INSTRUMENT If it has been used to commit a crime, it is always 'blunt', unless it happens to be sharp.
SEALED Always preceded by 'hermetically'.
STEADY Always followed by 'as a rock'.
STIFF Always followed by 'and unbending'.
THICKET Always 'dark and impenetrable'.
BLACK Always followed by 'as ebony' or preceded by 'jet'.
GOG Always goes with Magog.
ILIAD Always followed by the Odyssey.
RAFT Always 'of the Medusa'.
SUMMER Always 'unusual'. (See WINTER.)
WINTER Always 'unusual'. (See SUMMER.)
